Confidence Found on a Bar Stool

What makes a person confident? Is it the repeated hearing of compliments? Is it something just inside them that says they are confident, or good enough, or smart enough?

Sometimes I wonder about that.

When does confidence become rude? Can your confidence ever hurt another person? Is that even possible, or just a problem with perception?

No, I don’t sit up at night thinking about this kind of stuff, but it is kind of fun to wonder.

I went out last week, alone, because I didn’t want to cook or be home alone. I went to one of my favorite spots and sat in an empty bar stool.

Once the Yankee game was over, the guy sitting next to me struck up a conversation. He was intelligent, thoughtful, and quite attractive. So, I participated in the conversation.

He said one thing to me that I had never quite heard before and didn’t really understand why it resonated so much to me.

But, he, after several attempts of trying to get to know me, finally said, “Are you one of those hot girls who doesn’t believe she’s hot?”

I nearly whiplashed my beer right into his lap with a stunned expression on my face.

Me? A “hot girl”? Of course I never believed that I was or am a hot girl. I am the girl who sits in front of a computer for a living, wears glasses at night, and studies for a graduate degree most of my spare time. 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and thinking, but it dawned on me, that maybe there’s hope out there for all of us girls who say that the right guy is either “handicapped or taken.” 

Not that this is or was the right guy. I believe he was an agent of change. He allowed me to understand that everyone’s definition of “hot” is different. Maybe to him, in his young-Tom-Hanks-Ryan-Phillippe-wearing-a-hat-good-looks, being hot was being intelligent and confident. When he asked me what I enjoyed doing, I said I loved to work out and get outside, and also wine taste. I recognized that’s quite a social dichotomy. 

This guy in one sentence handed me a plateful of confidence that I had been missing for years. I’m still not sure what to do with it, but with less than a week of graduate school left, I think I’ll start with smiling more. 

Hot people, in general, don’t frown. 

Then, maybe I’ll pick up and read a book I’ve been meaning to read. 

You know, because hot people, can carry a conversation.

Then, I’ll just shut up and listen, and enjoy the atmosphere, but don’t be afraid to say hello.