Sunday, November 13, 2011

Putting the Puzzle Pieces of Life Together

In five days it will be one year since I started this blog process. It started out as one kind of journey, and as life changed, it has become another. 
Writing often helps one put the
puzzle pieces of life together.
The other night, while on an airplane traveling to a getaway I wrote a poem. Writing, for me, has always been an idiosyncratic process. It just happens. When I write what reads like a poem or song lyrics to me the words flow in one stream of consciousness. Once, I wrote a two page poem, front and back, while in between classes in college. I had about seven minutes to do it.
Sometimes, with writing, the words just come because the story is already in the author. 
At the top of the page on yellow legal pad paper I wrote, “Written just shy of 11 months from the day since my life changed (not that anyone is counting).” I wanted to put some finality on the shock that comes when a relationship ends; or rather, when my relationship ended
If you remember, I started this blog because my boyfriend at the time would call me things that hurt my feelings. The ending of the relationship though, when that happened, it hurt more. Then, there were a lot of other feelings that came out over the course of time. Removed, I finally had a way to address what it felt like in that instant that everything changed. 
Who knows, maybe this will help you or someone you know deal with the pain, heartache, grief, or whatever it is. 
I don't know what you just said.
I'm sorry, I missed it.
Tell me one more time that everything
is not alright.
Cuz I can't think.
I'm lost inside.
I can't find - 
Where am I supposed to go?
You said goodbye, I know
That part I got right.
I'm sorry, but I don't know why?
Tell me one more time that everything
is not alright.
Cuz I can't hear you.
I'm not listening.
I can't find - 
Where am I supposed to go?
You're gone, You're gone.
I'm all alone, all alone.
Just get up and say goodbye. 
It's not for me to leave.
I'm sorry, you've got to go.
I don't know what you just said.
I'm sorry, I missed it.
But that don't matter now -
You're gone, alright, and out of my life.
and now I'm free
Thank God you had to leave.
I am free.
Now that I'm who I'm supposed to be.
And I am fine.
Everything is alright. 
How do you deal with loss? With heartache? What’s your method of dealing with what you know to be good (like the ending of a relationship that should have ended) and also with the sadness that it ended anyway? Do you allow yourself to realize that it’s alright and natural to feel both relief and sadness at the same time? Let me know what you think. If you want... 

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

If I Die Young... (Part 1)

Kimberly Perry is somewhat in a state of contentment. The song she wrote, that her band (The Band Perry) sings and has won awards for is all about knowing all is well.
A state of happiness and satisfaction.
satisfaction - gratification - complacency - complacence
Just in case you were wondering.
In my last post I wrote about writing something down, making it happen, writing it into life. Writing, for me, is a way of putting something out into the world. Then, let whatever the world wants to do with it - have at it. Right?
“If I die young...” It’s a contemplative phrase. 

Life is short, so my question is what can each one of us do to ensure that however short, or long, our lives are that we can say the following:
“I’ve had just enough time.”
This isn’t a message about giving up. This is a message about living on without any hurried pursuit of anything. Just be you, the great you that you were meant to be. 
If you’re thinking about suicide, there is help:
In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Write it Down: What's Your Story?

Keep in mind that the person to write for is yourself. Tell the story that you most desperately want to read.
Susan Isaacs

It started out with Helen Keller, and then it was Lesley Stahl, and sometime later I tripped upon Chelsea Handler.
Each of these women have either autobiographies or biographies about their lives and their purpose. What’s your story? 
I’ve always enjoyed writing; finding and telling a good story. My Dad used to write down my thoughts on the day, or what I would tell him happened. We affectionately called them the “red books,” because they were in fact red daily diary books. They chronicle my early childhood from the perspective of my father, and occasionally as I told him. 
Throughout my life people have told me to “write it down.” Often, I wondered what they wanted me to write down. 
“You should write a novel, it would help people,” one person told me earlier this year.
“You should write a letter, then burn it, or tear it up,” said another not so long ago.
When I write fiction, I read the story back and it almost always reads like my on life. There’s no fiction in the stories I write. The names change and some of the circumstances are different, but I know who the characters are. I know where they’ve been, and I know where they’re going.
At some point that concept became incredibly frightening. 
On this journey to “something fabulous” I’ve found myself sitting right smack down in the middle of my faith. It’s something I haven’t done this earnestly and honestly since high school. Suddenly, I realized one reason why I cannot finish writing “someone else’s story” is because there’s someone else who will. 
As Christian, and in high school, I leaned up against Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV). The Bible says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
For the first time in my life, I actually get it! I can’t write something down to make it true, or to make someone or some circumstance come to life. I can, however, write down whether in the form of a letter, this blog, a poem, or a novel, what I’m thankful for, the lessons I’ve learned, the friendships I’m grateful for, and where I hope I’m going. I can write down what hurts and who I need to forgive -- and no one has to see that! I can also write down the incredible fear in trusting that it will all work out. Whatever “it” is.
Religious or not, if you have faith in what you cannot see, it will work out. Know this: It will work out, even if it’s not as you expected, hoped, or so long desired it would. It’s better this way. 
What’s your story? Are you going to write it down?

UPDATED: 11/8/2011
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